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A Christmas Card by Etgar Keret, Presented By Electric Literature |
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by Etgar Keret
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3:17 |
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There was this guy who could walk on water. Not that that's such a big
deal. Lots of people can walk on water. They usually don't know that
because they don't try. They don't try because they don't believe they
can do it. In any case, that guy believed, and tried and did it. And
that's when the whole mess began.
That guy had an apostle who was very close to him and sold him out.
Not that that's such a special thing either. Lots of people are sold
out by someone very close to them. If they weren't very close, then it
wouldn't really be considered being sold out, would it. Then the
Romans came and crucified the guy. Which, also, isn't very unique. The
Romans crucified a lot of people. And not just the Romans. Lots of
other nations crucified and killed lots of people. All kinds of
people. Ones who performed miracles and even ones who didn't. But that
guy, three days after they crucified him, was resurrected. And by the
way, even that resurrection thing didn't happen here for the first
time, or even the last, for that matter. But that guy, people say,
that guy died for our sins. A lot of people die for our sins: greed,
jealousy, pride, or other, less well-known sins that haven't been
around for such a long time. People die like flies because of our sins
and no one bothers to even write a Wikipedia entry about them. But
they wrote one about that guy. And not just any old entry, but a
really big one with lots of pictures and blue-colored links. Not that
a Wikipedia entry is such a big thing. There are dogs that have
Wikipedia entries about them. Like Lassie. And there are diseases that
have entries there, like scarlet fever and multiple sclerosis. But
that guy, they say, unlike multiple sclerosis and Lassie, achieved
what he achieved through the power of love. Which is something we've
also heard before. After all, there were those four English guys with
the hair and the beards too, just like him, except that they were a
little less famous, and they sang many songs about love. Two of them
are already dead, just like him. And they, by the way, have a
Wikipedia entry too. But that guy, there was something special about
him. He was the son of God. Except that, actually, all of us are God's
children, right? We were born in his image. So what the hell was it
about that guy that turned him into such a big deal? Such a big deal
that so many people throughout history were saved or killed in his
name?
Anyhow, every year, around the end of December, half the world
celebrates his birthday. In many places, it snows on his birthday and
everyone's happy. But even in places where it doesn't snow, people are
happy on that day. And all because of what? Because a skinny guy who
was born more than two thousand years ago asked us all to live lives
of love and morality and was killed because of it. And if that's the
happiest thing this weird race has to celebrate, then it deserves a
Wikipedia entry too. And actually it's got one. Go to the nearest
computer now. Type in "humanity" and you'll get the entry. Short. Very
short. Not a lot of pictures. But even so. One whole entry on a
fascinating and slightly baffling race. A race that could have walked
on water and never tried. A race that could have killed all those who
believe the world can be a better place and in most cases, made sure
to do just that. So merry Christmas to you too.
Etgar Keret born in Tel Aviv in 1967, is the author of five bestselling collections. In America his stories have been featured on This American Life and Selected Shorts. As screenwriter-directors, he and his wife, Shira Geffen, shared the Caméra d’Or for best debut feature (Jellyfish) at the 2007 Cannes Film Festival. He has been featured in Opium3 and Opium7.
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