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Liquid Gold |
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by Bradley Sands
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1:09 |
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Captain Thumbtack looks for buried treasure up his nose. He pokes through an ocean of decaffeinated coffee, prods a bipolar sea monster, bests the Donation armada in combat, lands on a desserted island, stabs into the cakey earth, uncovers a gorilla chest, participates in an exciting battle with his crew over the identity of the chest's owner, discovers that his men consist of a drugstore's hand mirror display, cleans his wounds with brake fluid, and unlocks the gorilla with his thumbtack's skeleton key-like attributes. A spurt of blood shoots out of the captain's nose. It lands in a funnel welded into an arm belonging to the pirate's son. The boy resuscitates. The blood flows into an open vein. He gets a little purple back into his face. The blood continues to spit across the room. The pirate waits. He watches a program on bass fishing. The host sits in a rowboat for thirty minutes. Sometimes the pirate can make out a wave. The credits roll. The blood transfusion is complete. Captain Thumbtack's son leaps into his arms. The pirate presents his son with a toothy grin. The boy is disgusted by his father's poor dental hygiene. His arm vomits out a swimming pool-worth of blood. The son dies, reaching for an electric toothbrush.
Bradley Sands wrote a novel called It Came from Below the Belt. He edits a literary journal called Bust Down the Door and Eat All the Chickens. He maintains a website called www.bradleysands.com.
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