A dream that involves at least one pacifier means you cannot burn all the ants in your house with a magnifying glass. A pacifier on the couch indicates demonic possession, like what your ex kept in perfume bottles or sent back to your mother.

A pacifier shaped like a baboon may not be a pacifier. It may simply be dried saliva on your copy of War and Peace or an allergy. Use a paint-by-numbers kit to pre-soak your whites in the washing machine.

If there's an adult behind the pacifier, put a slice of bread under your left armpit. Take to the closet for 11 days—pretend it's the Bahamas because, chances are, it is.

Stepping on a pacifier bodes trouble, like news of war or a hamburger. Years after having lost your first mitten, you are still upset. You may be needlessly harboring a parakeet for an empty cage. Watch out for falling rocks on page 46.