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Notes from an Administrative Assistant |
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by Jimmy Chen
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4:34 |
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Toaster
There is a new toaster in the kitchen, next to the microwave. Your administrator recently made some upgrades in his domestic life, and felt that The Center could use a toaster. This toaster has contributed to many great sandwiches and good karma resonates in its atoms.
This toaster is arranged as intuitively as possible, though it may not seem that way at first glance. There were many, many variables to deal with: counter-space (or lack thereof), location of electrical outlet, location of its cord, sensitivity between its electricity and sink/faucet, and projected tendency of users (crumbs vs. cups/stagnant fluids).
Thus, the toaster is parallel (lengthwise) to the microwave. However, it is facing it, so that its knobs/levers are not easily accessed. Its orientation is subjective, but common-sense is common-sense and I think you'll all agree that this is the best way. As for the hidden knobs, all you're missing out on is: 1) defrost vs. toast (which is set to toast), and 2) 'Light [1]' and 'Dark [5]' (degree of heat) level, which is set exactly in the middle [2.5], because moderation is the key to life.
Finally, and most direly, you absolutely must keep track of the thing you are toasting! To leave your sandwich on the brink of molding is simply irritating, yet benign on a life/death scale. To let things burn in the toaster is very dangerous. One sole act of transgression in this regard, and the toaster shall be revoked.
Toast—to employ the verb is to manifest the noun. Let us celebrate this transition, and eating in general.
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Recycling
When we set up the two new small blue bins (clearly marked 'recycle'), we not only aspired to evoke more recycling, but wanted to decrease distance between people and nearest recycling bin.
We have noticed more and more 'trash' in the recycling bins. At this juncture, 'trash' has only been used napkins with moderately light soiling. (Most likely napkins used after a meal). One could argue that said napkin(s), being paper, are technically recyclable, but the commonly agreed upon definition of recyclable items does not include anything which has had an intimate history with any orifice. For example, if one were to blow their nose into a napkin (while the mucus is bio-degradable and the napkin pulp born) it is still considered 'trash'.
There must be a clear line that separates these things. Without intervention, it will only be a matter of months before we find a lamb shank in the recycling bin. For good measure, let us define that which can be recycled in those bins: Paper.
That's it. Just good old fashion office paper. Maybe a post-it or envelope here and there if you're feeling lucky. No cheese, no bathwater. Sometimes, there's nothing like the James Dean-esque lean of italics to get the point across one final time:
Paper
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Personal Cups
There have been a number of complaints about non-owners using people's personal cups. The owners know this because their cups either disappear and reappear again, or, they change orientation/location within the kitchen. It wasn't until the administration received the same complaint from different people that a message (this one) was sent out.
This is an issue, however mild, because:
1. Every one reserves the right to simply not want someone using their cup
2. This is a breach of respect
3. Germs are transmitted this way
To clarify, a 'personal cup' shall be defined as a cup distinct from all other cups by its physical characteristics, and most importantly, the attribution by its owner as being so. So basically, please do not drink from other people's cups. True, not all cups are personal cups, and some owners don't care who uses their cup, but the point of the message is that some owners do care. If you are a frequent drinker, it will be a good idea to get your own personal cup. If you cannot obtain one, you may turn a plastic cup into a personal cup simply by writing your name on it with sharpie marker. Of all the drinking problems out there, the one we have is bearable, but still, let's try to beat it.
Jimmy Chen
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